This article has been completely stolen from the Daily Mash. I've done this because it's funny
Veteran of Warhammer 40,000 conflict struggling to come to terms with it
34-YEAR-OLD Norman Steele has been left traumatised after his army of space marines was wiped out during a tabletop wargame.
Unemployed Steele could only look on in horror as his miniature battalion of spacesuit-clad Imperium troops was pinned against a fortress wall by six-limbed aliens.
He said: “They were using venom cannons and spore mine launchers. Not real weapons obviously, but scale models vividly painted to look very realistic.
“Anyway we were hugely outnumbered and there was nothing I could do. Everywhere you looked space marines were getting wiped out.
“Since the battle I’ve been unable to look at a picture of any futuristic alien or monster without experiencing flashbacks.
“Worse still I cannot go near a table of any kind without hearing the ominous clatter of dice and the gloating voice of a middle-aged man in a Sepultura t-shirt.
“I just want some professional help to get back to being the quiet, shy man who I used to be.”