Just a little over ten years ago my dad passed. I have been thinking about this a lot in recent weeks. It seems like a long time and no time at all. He was always in good health. I recall helping him mix concrete a year or so before he died. So far there has yet to be a day I don't think about him.
Back then I was fostering. The kids were great. I loved them dearly. Having a child of my own is not quite the same. I did things for them because it was the right thing to do. For some of them it felt like I had a sense of duty to care but there was a stronger feeling for most of them.
Now, being a father, I can see that my life is different and it has perhaps given me more of an insight into my parents. There is more of a sense of propulsion. Right now most of what I do puts my daughter front and centre to what I do.
My daughter was born a good long time after her grandfather died. She will never get to know him. This is a shame as the two would have really got on. I feel the need to be there.
Miss you dad.
I feel your grief. This year I discovered my mum had died. A fact hidden from me by my half-sister, only revealed due to the power of the internet and the Mormons obsessive need retroactively baptise ancestors of church members.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, the kicker. My mum died 18 years ago. My worse nightmare of never seeing my mother again before she died came true. It decompensated me.